MY LIFE
I told myself I would stop myself from doing all things I don't like doing. I tell myself I am going to have a better self control. I tell myself am going to be myself and am not going to give a damn about what people think. I ell myself am going to be a better human being, a better son, a better brother, a better friend, a better cousin, a better uncle you get my drift.
Yet I can't manage to be any of those. I know I have serious problems I acknowledge them but I can't stop being what I despise. I can't stop doing all the things I hate doing. Am not proud doing what I do? There disgusting repugnant things yet I manage till even now to still being dong those things I hate.
Its like am slowly destroying myself and I know it but I can't stop it. I tried going cold turkey and it didn't work. I’ve tried slowly withdrawing it out my system but that doesn't work.
I want to be a better person and I know how to be a better person and I’ve asked Allah to help on many occasions but how is Allah going to help me if I can't help myself. What good am I as a human being when I don't have any self control?
There are so many things I want to do. There are so many things I have to do, but what am I to do when I can't save my own life.
2008-01-07 @ 19:51