right now am thinking about change.

when do things change. does anything change.

the thing is as a child, life is pretty straghit foward. you eat play

and sleep, and now agian, you get in trouble for not doing what your

suppoosed to, and u know where ur limits are. then u reach adolescant

and u see girls/boys in a new perspective, u see the world in a whole

new angle and u see ur friends in a whole new light,thats ok.

but from there to adulthood is blurry. when do u become an adult, when

do u have friends for life. when do u decide to do something wid ur

life so u don't end up hating ur life and have a mid life crisis. when

do u start thinking about mid life crisis. when do u reach ur full

potential. change takes alot of forms. someone might not like

themselves so they change their appreances. someone might get their

heart broken so they promise it will never happen again. some might

have hopes and achievements to reach, some might just idolize someone

so much they take on them.

what am trying to say is, when does someone change, and does change

always work out for the better and if so how does it. does a criminal

decide to stop being a criminal in order to better themselves or for

society, and do we all need to change in the twenty first century for

the better because the state humanity is in right now can actually do

with a little of humanity itself. a lilttle understanding, and some

compassion for our fellow human beings might just make us better

hummans, but how do we do that. do we do that as indiviuals or as a

whole. and this is for the guys (and myself included). we need to look

after our women. understand our women. show compassion to our women.

teach our women, show our women generosity, we need to love our women.

the reason why, becoz their our mothers, dauthers, sisters, aunties,

nieces,grandmothers, best friends, and last but not least their our

wifes

to girls that i have ever dated, to girls that am supposed to be a good

friend to, i apologize for the way i acted towards you. the way i

treated you. you were all very nice girls, lovely to be with and cared

so much for me, i apologize. for the way those realtionships ended i

apologize. you didn't deserve it, but wat was i meant to do, either way

it would of had the same outcome. i couldn't of been more of a man and

told you, but i couldn't do it to ur face, becoz it would of been as

just as hurtful, thats wat i was thinlking, i didn't want to hurt u more

than i already have, and for that i apologize. we could of stayed as

friends but truly who does that work for, i only ever see it work in

hollywood.i can't of stayed friends becoz it would bring back memeories,

yes it would bring back good memories but it would also bring back bad

ones. i swear i just wanted to do the best by you, it was the way i went

and did that which was stupid. and for that i apologize. how i can i try

and make something work knowing deep down i want to finish it. you was

so good to me always wanting to know wat i was upto, how i was, you

showed me that u loved me, but i tried to recipitate that but i just

couldn't and for that i apologize. i should of not ignored you, and on

that point i do apologize becoz i was selfish about that, thats becoz it

hurt everytime i heard ur voice or see you, but wat i didn't know its

that it hurt you when i ignored you and for that i apologize. i know it

was wrong but thats the way i deal with things. Please forgive me

I AM SORRY

thursday 10th january 08

hey people i want to write something but i feel so down. i don't why i

feel down coz the the whole day i had energy. i feel like wats the point

of even trying to write something. i am just thinking of loads of

negatives, and thats like pouring gas on to flames, its just making

everything worse. its like someone told me very bad news. people my next

blog might just upset some people, but hey thats life innit...

hey people how can i change the age on my blog

my lost love

i don't know if i should give up looking for my soul mate. you see am a

old romantic at heart and i belive that the girl am supposed to spend

the rest of my llife is still out there, but i've been searching for the

last 4 years and i have come close to finding her but then as soon as i

realise she might be the one then it just goes down hill. i fall for

girls quite quickly, which is not my fault, coz i tell myself shes

perfect but she turns out not be. so i don't know what to do. should i

just stop looking, and start playing the field, and treat girls like

there nothing, which i grew out of, but those were nice days, or should

i strugge with this endless course of finding my soul mate whch in truth

might be a lost cause and might not even be out there.

what should i do people..

I am confused. Am confused about how Iraqis and afghans defending

there land are called insurgents, terrorists. That’s what am confused

about. Why are they called such names? Such degrading names when all

there doing is protecting there homeland. They are bombed, shot at,

abused, jailed, raped, killed etc

Why because these imperialistic armies want to take if not already

taken their land.

What would stop a patriotic American or British person defending their

home? like Hollywood has made countless films and its in our history

yet when it comes to foreign lands and foreign people the fact that

they are foreign then it seems ok to go and invade their country.

Brave heart the film that had Mel Gibson in it portraying William

Wallace won numerous Oscar awards, and all William Wallace did was get

the English out of his country and so on.

John Smeaton the baggage handler from Glasgow airport did exactly the

same when those terrorists try to blow up Glasgow airport and I

applaud him for his bravery (am not taking it away from him, just

trying to make a point, and am not encouraging terrorists, I despise

them) yet his been given a Gallantry Medal from the queen for his act.

yet Iraqis and afghans are called insurgents, terrorists. And we are

made to fear such people because all their doing is protecting and

standing up for their people and country, yet their women get raped,

their kids get orphaned and their men killed when in fact all they

are, are just an Iraqi or afghan version of john Smeaton, a national

hero by the way.

MY LIFE

I told myself I would stop myself from doing all things I don't like doing. I tell myself I am going to have a better self control. I tell myself am going to be myself and am not going to give a damn about what people think. I ell myself am going to be a better human being, a better son, a better brother, a better friend, a better cousin, a better uncle you get my drift.
Yet I can't manage to be any of those. I know I have serious problems I acknowledge them but I can't stop being what I despise. I can't stop doing all the things I hate doing. Am not proud doing what I do? There disgusting repugnant things yet I manage till even now to still being dong those things I hate.
Its like am slowly destroying myself and I know it but I can't stop it. I tried going cold turkey and it didn't work. I’ve tried slowly withdrawing it out my system but that doesn't work.
I want to be a better person and I know how to be a better person and I’ve asked Allah to help on many occasions but how is Allah going to help me if I can't help myself. What good am I as a human being when I don't have any self control?
There are so many things I want to do. There are so many things I have to do, but what am I to do when I can't save my own life.

Hey this my first blog people so bear with me and a happy new year to all of you.

How comes people don't protest no more. How comes people don't stand up for what they believe in. look back at the 60s, 70s, even the 80s. People stood up and told the world that they had problems, and the world listen. What happened to students and young people being rebellious and telling the adults where to go?
What happen to good old fashion rebellion? I see it all over the world right now in Kenya, in Pakistan, Algeria, South America, all over the world, but yet in the developed world especially in the west (US and Britain) it’s like since the protesting of Iraq war we have not been active in right courses like how the government can taxes us so much.

We can complain about getting taxed so much but that’s as far as it goes. We don't hold the government to trial over them losing information that had 25 million people’s details on it. We don't do anything about the gas companies putting up the prices to extortionate levels.

We have a prime minister that not one member on the general public voted for yet we still call ourselves a democracy. Our young children are all killing themselves if they are not to busy playing halo 3 or on MSN, yet no one wants to do anything, but were all concerned over climate change.
I will continue soon.

Please if your don't agree with my blog then tell me why and I will get back to you.
If you liked my blog I will post the second part later on during the week. Thank you