i recently listened to beyonce knowles lastest single and it made me realise something i knew deep down. i put it this way it affirmed some home truths for me.
am 24 years old. and honest to god i have never found it harder in my life to be a man even though in the eyes of the law i've only been a man for just over 6 years.
its hard being a man in the 21st century. you have so much repsonsiblites as a man that i wonder how men as a speiecs have survived lol.
we have to hold down a job which pays a good salary. we have look after our families. we have to keep them happy or atleast try. we have to sort out problems and not let problems fester out of control.
we have to protect our families and not let any harm come to them.
we have to teach our young children to have good morals and behaviour not like wild animals.
we have to keep the wifes happy and make sure she don't runaway with the milkman lol.
i know this more i can put in this blog of descripitions which makes a man in the year of 2008 A.D. but as i am writing this my mind has gone blank.

the strength of a woman is beyond words but since the revoultion of the sixtys and seventys where women started to burn their bras and the eightys where women were seen as businesswomen and can do any job a man can do, that we have lost the true identity of men.
true men are nothing like the brad pitts of holloywood or the bonkers tom cruise.
thats why alot of men i personally know loose their way and start getting inefrior to women. they leave their families and never look back. they beat their wifes like their fighting a man. they let kids grow up in this cold world without any sense of direction. i'll be honest i personally think when it comes down to raising a child the father is more important. why, beacuse a woman can never rasie a man, its just not possible. i was raisied by my mother without a father and i know and have seen it in countless cases. even when it comes to rasising a young woman a man can do that aswell, but not not as good as a woman, but does ocme close.
so you probably thinking how i am a man if i was rasised by a woman because i learnt how to be a man from the older males in my family and environmenet. still i am learning.
if this made any sense to you and your a woman give us men a chance and then a chance after that.
and to the men out there reading this, be a better husband, boyfriend, nephew, father, son, uncle, grandad and brother to the women in our lives

How do we live in today’s world where the media and the news

corporations push out all kind of scare tactics? Since the beginning of

this century the government has been fighting a so called war of

terrorism. I put it that way because it’s hard to know what a terrorist

is. Apparently it’s someone who has an extreme understanding of Islam.

The oxford dictionary version of terrorism is “somebody who uses

violence, especially bombing, kidnapping, and assassination, to

intimidate others, often for political purposes”.

So what I want to know is this. Are terrorists just confined to

extremist belief to Islam? Is and can anybody become a terrorist. I mean

somebody who stands up for what they belief in. someone who instead of

talking rationally screams at the top of their voice to get the point

across. Someone who stands up to a cruel and evil government by any

means necessary. If what is close to us is in danger wouldn’t we make

sure that it’s protected from any harm?

My argument is that as there are over 6 billion people in this world,

then we have it in us to stand up to oppression. And in the eyes of the

oppressor aren’t we terrorists.

“One mans freedom fighter is another mans terrorist” by Nelson Mandela

Aren’t we all humans?

So what are we really afraid of………

how i see it

The thing is life is great, but if u choose to see flaws in it u can,

which right now does what am doing. I chose to do see like that now

because it’s interesting the way I see life. It’s fascinating to watch

and hear people say this man is god. It’s interesting to see our young

kids idolising celebrities. Shouting and screaming with them as we take

them to see a pop concert, and we shout and scream when they kill each

other, yet no one wants to take the blame when everything turns sour.

When they get into trouble, we want to kill them, when they do something

good, we praise them. No middle area, no gray area just straight black

and white. And from a age we are told and taught that violence is

bad, yet we are read stories like little red riding hood who gets eaten

by a wolf and a hunter kills the wolf to save red riding hood and her

grandma. That is a lot of killing. We have women who love the word

indepeandant but do not understand the sacrifice that entails. We had

the feminist’s movement and then we had single parents who I applaud for

the way they handle such a difficult and unbearable situation, that most

men could never fully understand.

Men, where should I start?

We men are such hostile beings that sometimes i think we shouldn't

exist. We destroy each other and not only that, we destroy our young

children. Where did we go wrong as men? When did our femininity take

over our man hood? With each year passing, we men our becoming more

feminine, and that is a true fact. Men toiletries are selling more and

more and now they are even more complex than just toiletries. Men are

having more facials, cosmetic surgeries etc...

As a culture, the British culture is dying slowly. As we getting

more 'modern', were losing what was brutishness, look at the fact that

the Britannia sign on the 50 pence coin is being removed.

What was religion is now being targeted. Am gonna keep this simple and

short. How is anyone (and this is not being deaf or dumb or ignorant,

just think about it) going to insult what you believe. What you believe

is yours and yours only. No one can take it away, break it, and

humiliate it, that’s just not possible.

Materialism is a disease. Wanting the finer things in life, which you

don't need. Like a silk shirt, or a Ferrari, or a 5 bedroom house when

you’re not even planning on having kids its just stupid. The essentials,

that’s all we ever needed. entertainment, where people are spending

£1000s on a concert ticket, paying to watch 500 channels when u watch 10

or at worse u don't even have time to watch it.

the rich is getting richer and the poor are getting poorer, and if our

kids are not playing and talking on the net, playing computer games,

getting murdered, killing themselves or getting run over yet there

aren't anyone willing to do anything about the screams for help, where

we are more interested in what happen to Brittany spears then honestly

what future do our children have. and forget about climate change and

this going green, that isn’t gonna happen if there aren’t no future now

is it..

right now am thinking about change.

when do things change. does anything change.

the thing is as a child, life is pretty straghit foward. you eat play

and sleep, and now agian, you get in trouble for not doing what your

suppoosed to, and u know where ur limits are. then u reach adolescant

and u see girls/boys in a new perspective, u see the world in a whole

new angle and u see ur friends in a whole new light,thats ok.

but from there to adulthood is blurry. when do u become an adult, when

do u have friends for life. when do u decide to do something wid ur

life so u don't end up hating ur life and have a mid life crisis. when

do u start thinking about mid life crisis. when do u reach ur full

potential. change takes alot of forms. someone might not like

themselves so they change their appreances. someone might get their

heart broken so they promise it will never happen again. some might

have hopes and achievements to reach, some might just idolize someone

so much they take on them.

what am trying to say is, when does someone change, and does change

always work out for the better and if so how does it. does a criminal

decide to stop being a criminal in order to better themselves or for

society, and do we all need to change in the twenty first century for

the better because the state humanity is in right now can actually do

with a little of humanity itself. a lilttle understanding, and some

compassion for our fellow human beings might just make us better

hummans, but how do we do that. do we do that as indiviuals or as a

whole. and this is for the guys (and myself included). we need to look

after our women. understand our women. show compassion to our women.

teach our women, show our women generosity, we need to love our women.

the reason why, becoz their our mothers, dauthers, sisters, aunties,

nieces,grandmothers, best friends, and last but not least their our

wifes

to girls that i have ever dated, to girls that am supposed to be a good

friend to, i apologize for the way i acted towards you. the way i

treated you. you were all very nice girls, lovely to be with and cared

so much for me, i apologize. for the way those realtionships ended i

apologize. you didn't deserve it, but wat was i meant to do, either way

it would of had the same outcome. i couldn't of been more of a man and

told you, but i couldn't do it to ur face, becoz it would of been as

just as hurtful, thats wat i was thinlking, i didn't want to hurt u more

than i already have, and for that i apologize. we could of stayed as

friends but truly who does that work for, i only ever see it work in

hollywood.i can't of stayed friends becoz it would bring back memeories,

yes it would bring back good memories but it would also bring back bad

ones. i swear i just wanted to do the best by you, it was the way i went

and did that which was stupid. and for that i apologize. how i can i try

and make something work knowing deep down i want to finish it. you was

so good to me always wanting to know wat i was upto, how i was, you

showed me that u loved me, but i tried to recipitate that but i just

couldn't and for that i apologize. i should of not ignored you, and on

that point i do apologize becoz i was selfish about that, thats becoz it

hurt everytime i heard ur voice or see you, but wat i didn't know its

that it hurt you when i ignored you and for that i apologize. i know it

was wrong but thats the way i deal with things. Please forgive me

I AM SORRY

thursday 10th january 08

hey people i want to write something but i feel so down. i don't why i

feel down coz the the whole day i had energy. i feel like wats the point

of even trying to write something. i am just thinking of loads of

negatives, and thats like pouring gas on to flames, its just making

everything worse. its like someone told me very bad news. people my next

blog might just upset some people, but hey thats life innit...

hey people how can i change the age on my blog

my lost love

i don't know if i should give up looking for my soul mate. you see am a

old romantic at heart and i belive that the girl am supposed to spend

the rest of my llife is still out there, but i've been searching for the

last 4 years and i have come close to finding her but then as soon as i

realise she might be the one then it just goes down hill. i fall for

girls quite quickly, which is not my fault, coz i tell myself shes

perfect but she turns out not be. so i don't know what to do. should i

just stop looking, and start playing the field, and treat girls like

there nothing, which i grew out of, but those were nice days, or should

i strugge with this endless course of finding my soul mate whch in truth

might be a lost cause and might not even be out there.

what should i do people..

I am confused. Am confused about how Iraqis and afghans defending

there land are called insurgents, terrorists. That’s what am confused

about. Why are they called such names? Such degrading names when all

there doing is protecting there homeland. They are bombed, shot at,

abused, jailed, raped, killed etc

Why because these imperialistic armies want to take if not already

taken their land.

What would stop a patriotic American or British person defending their

home? like Hollywood has made countless films and its in our history

yet when it comes to foreign lands and foreign people the fact that

they are foreign then it seems ok to go and invade their country.

Brave heart the film that had Mel Gibson in it portraying William

Wallace won numerous Oscar awards, and all William Wallace did was get

the English out of his country and so on.

John Smeaton the baggage handler from Glasgow airport did exactly the

same when those terrorists try to blow up Glasgow airport and I

applaud him for his bravery (am not taking it away from him, just

trying to make a point, and am not encouraging terrorists, I despise

them) yet his been given a Gallantry Medal from the queen for his act.

yet Iraqis and afghans are called insurgents, terrorists. And we are

made to fear such people because all their doing is protecting and

standing up for their people and country, yet their women get raped,

their kids get orphaned and their men killed when in fact all they

are, are just an Iraqi or afghan version of john Smeaton, a national

hero by the way.

MY LIFE

I told myself I would stop myself from doing all things I don't like doing. I tell myself I am going to have a better self control. I tell myself am going to be myself and am not going to give a damn about what people think. I ell myself am going to be a better human being, a better son, a better brother, a better friend, a better cousin, a better uncle you get my drift.
Yet I can't manage to be any of those. I know I have serious problems I acknowledge them but I can't stop being what I despise. I can't stop doing all the things I hate doing. Am not proud doing what I do? There disgusting repugnant things yet I manage till even now to still being dong those things I hate.
Its like am slowly destroying myself and I know it but I can't stop it. I tried going cold turkey and it didn't work. I’ve tried slowly withdrawing it out my system but that doesn't work.
I want to be a better person and I know how to be a better person and I’ve asked Allah to help on many occasions but how is Allah going to help me if I can't help myself. What good am I as a human being when I don't have any self control?
There are so many things I want to do. There are so many things I have to do, but what am I to do when I can't save my own life.